Love and Marriage (go together like a rabid-rottweiler drawn hell-carriage?)

15 May

Everyone’s getting married, or engaged. I have more married/engaged friends at the moment than i do single/coupled off ones.

I don’t mean to be a cynical old witch, but it seems unnatural to me.

I love the idea of Love, and i believe in it; i believe it exists in many glorious forms for people all over the globe. I even believe it’s possible for Love to last a lifetime, to change and grow with time, to be nurturing and to bring out the best potential, if two people are committed to working at it by being patient and understanding and willing to compromise. I reckon what specifically works within a relationship is different for every couple, and i think you’re incredibly lucky if you find something that does endure the trials and tribulations of this life; but i think it can and does happen.

But marriage? A legal contract to define something that is abstract and fluid and experienced differently by everyone? You’re just asking for trouble.

Love is for celebrating, and i get the public declaration bit, and the party, and even the big puffy dress, if you’re that way inclined.

But a legal contract? Nah.

I can only think of a couple of people i know who have or had (seemingly) happy marriages, and they are either relatively ‘new’ marriages (first 5 years) so the jury’s out,  or the are of my grandparents generation, and things were different then.

Why was it different? Why did marriages last back then? Was it simply because divorce was more expensive or socially unacceptable? Was it because male/female roles were more clearly (if unfairly) defined, and therefore marriages were ‘easier’, because you knew what to expect and what was expected? Was it because people were more religious and so they took marriage vows (in front of The Big G, no less) much more seriously?

It feels like no one really thinks about marriage as that important now. They want the wedding day, the dress, the flowers, the rings, the attention. But they don’t think about the lifetime of Love, support, compromise, tolerance, happiness, sadness, excitement, tedium that follows.

Marriage these days isn’t for life. It’s until you get bored, or stressed, or lonely, or your attention is caught elsewhere. People get married 2, 3, 4 times or more, a marriage seems to be a long-term relationship.

I’ve never been married or even come close, so I’m hardly an authority on the subject. When i was younger, i really wanted to get married, or at least i thought i did, maybe because the world expects it. Honestly, there is still a small part of me that hopes I’ll meet someone who’ll change my mind, and it’ll turn out i was wrong…the hopeless romantic in me. But i doubt it. I was engaged a couple of times when i was younger, but it wasn’t as if marriage was a real option, and so really it was just a nice ring and an even nicer promise (that turned out to be worth less than the cost of the ring, which was very cheap).

Statistics can be manipulated to support pretty much any point of view, but if you’re into em, you can see how divorce rates  already high and on the rise.

All my friends are getting married. I’m retreating further into myself.

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2 Responses to “Love and Marriage (go together like a rabid-rottweiler drawn hell-carriage?)”

  1. rheath40 May 19, 2012 at 3:51 am #

    I’ve been married for almost 23 years. It has been good and at time has been horrible. I’ve been the culprit of problems and so has he. But when the times are good they are extremely good. I like the fact that I can come home and find love waiting for me. There are still some days when I wonder what the hell I’m doing, but most days are good. I know that if my darling goes before me I will not marry again. This kind of life ain’t for sissies. He was the one I was supposed to marry and be with. Brighten up buttercup. You don’t have to be married or committed to be happy….

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