Camera Angles Of The Mind

31 May

It’s as if my mind is an abstract film with only one camera angle at any one time. If the camera stays in the same place for a length of time, i start to feel a bit more self-assured, stable, aware of a me?

But at any given moment, the camera can zoom out and spin round, fly up or drop down, and adopt a completely different position. From that position the world, me, and my place in it will all seem (be?) completely different.

For a little while, this makes me feel afraid and anxious, because nothing makes sense, reality is fluid…which view is real, which me is me? Are they all real, all truths? Some, but not others? All illusions?How to tell the difference? I can’t trust my own perception.

Does my subconscious try to shield me from some things that i do not want to acknowledge, but sometimes get glimpses of? Is this why it feels frightening? The destructive behaviours that i use to function, are they protected by my subconscious: I do not allow myself to recognise the counter-productive nature of them (most of the time), and is this why i am unable to stop it, even though it exhausts me, and i am consciously convinced i want to stop? Short term vs long-term: feeling better now vs being better overall. Progress vs developmental delay.

If the camera does not settle, and instead fits and panics, trying out different views but finding no foot hold in any of them, then i will suffer a dark and confusing period, for X amount of time.

If the camera settles again, eventually I’ll start to feel something that resembles security, stability. I thinks that view is what i am, who i am, where i am.

Until, without warning or reason, it will move again.

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9 Responses to “Camera Angles Of The Mind”

  1. roughseasinthemed May 31, 2012 at 10:11 am #

    I think that decribes my mind at night. My camera is quite stable on it’s tripod during the day, but lets rip when I want some decent rest 😦

  2. fringewalk May 31, 2012 at 10:18 am #

    Our minds hate us! 😦 x

  3. William May 31, 2012 at 3:12 pm #

    I think my camera has a cracked lens and a meth-addict playing with it

  4. socialassassin May 31, 2012 at 3:31 pm #

    I find my camera’s stability is greatly improved if I weight it down with bourbon.

    • fringewalk May 31, 2012 at 4:04 pm #

      haha! 😉 Sepia filter! x

    • fringewalk May 31, 2012 at 4:05 pm #

      Some joke in there (re beer goggles?) but im too tired… x

  5. William May 31, 2012 at 4:39 pm #

    Reblogged this on Rants Ravings and Revelations and commented:
    I have nothing to add other than to say this is an excellent way of looking at “personal perception”
    Though I may be biased due to the fact that I can relate to it.

    • fringewalk June 1, 2012 at 3:06 pm #

      Ahhh 🙂 I only just saw this 🙂 Thanks, you 🙂

      • William June 1, 2012 at 3:17 pm #

        Very welcome 🙂

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