The Difference Between Casual Sex And One Night Stands

4 Jun

I was with a few friends yesterday and the conversational subject (inevitably?) turned to sex.

Having been single for a period of time now, i expressed how i miss it. To which every person in the room asked me why i don’t just go out and sleep with some random.

I told them that i didn’t see the point in doing that, they assumed that i meant i need L.O.V.E for sex.

That’s not it at all. In fact, the best sex i ever had was with someone who i no longer loved.

They assumed that I’ve never had one night stands; also not true.

It’s just, every time i have, they have been at best forgettable, at worst awkward and intimidating.

I don’t need to love someone to have sex with them, but i do need to trust them to enjoy it.

Sex makes you vulnerable, i don’t want to be vulnerable in front of someone who could hurt me, physically or emotionally.

I don’t want to have to worry about my wobbly bits or what he’ll tell his mates afterwards. I don’t want to have to worry about STIs.

But those are not the main reasons.

In my experience, it takes a few goes before you learn what someone likes, and show them what you like. Because of this, one night stands (especially for women) can often leave you more frustrated than satisfied.

The things that get me off might be a bit unorthodox to some, and to really let go and be uninhibited (which is essential for orgasm for me) I’ve got to trust him with that hidden side of myself. It helps to know him well enough to be sure it won’t freak him out 😉

That’s why I’m not into the one night things.

Casual sex with someone i trust, however, is completely different.

I didn’t tell them this distinction. Let them assume.


3 Responses to “The Difference Between Casual Sex And One Night Stands”

  1. hangryhippo June 4, 2012 at 3:27 pm #

    amen. i completely agree. i hope we both find someone we can trust real soon!

  2. thefeargirls June 6, 2012 at 9:35 am #

    I think how you feel about sex/hook-ups is how most ladies feel. Except we also have a society telling us that sleeping with someone we don’t know is fun/exciting/cool – when in reality it can just be really uncomfortable and awkward, as you said. I think it’s cool that you stick to your guns and don’t feel obligated to justify your choices to your friends. Many props. Dig the blog too.

    • fringewalk June 6, 2012 at 10:01 am #

      Thanks hunz0r – and me yours! The Anti-Barbie Blog! 😉
      I think you’re right, i don’t even think the girl i was talking to actually believed what she was saying, i think she was saying it because she thinks it’s the cool, modern thing to say. I don’t think she actually thinks it’s a good idea. I also think she said it because of the men in the room, she was playing up to them.
      I know she’s had one night stands, i don’t think she was lying, but i think if she thought about it, she would realize that they generally made her feel used/unsatisfied.

      …and in doing so, self-perpetuating the idea that women should enjoy one night stands!
      Thanks for stopping by 🙂

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