Don’t Buy Sprayed Weed

1 Jun

Take This Shit Back

It’s really tricky to tell if weed is sprayed or not, and it seems to be getting increasingly difficult.

For those of you who don’t know, some people spray weed plants with various things (sand/glass/sugar/etchant spray/other) to increase weight and therefore profit, or to make mediocre weed look really crystally (generally, more crystals = stronger weed).

It’s a disgusting thing to do, and it makes me really, really mad.

Firstly, because it’s very dangerous…inhaling tiny particals of burning hot glass into your lungs is not advised.

Secondly, there is no need to do it; the street value of weed has almost doubled in the last 5 years (from £20 for 3.5 grams, to £10 per gram). You can make enough money without ripping people off.

Lastly, it personally irks me because it would’ve been perfectly lovely weed before they fucked with it. Growing nice weed takes time, patience, attention, care. It truly is an art. When people spray weed, they desecrate it.

It seems like there are 2 classes of weed smokers. Type 1: the professionals, the artists, the weekend-hippies, the airy-faerie thinkers (the type to which i like to think i belong). These guys would not dream of ripping you off, and what’s more, they’ll happily lend you a spliff or two when you need it. Type 2: the chavvy, hooded-rat that can’t look you in the eye, are likely to sell their grandmothers wedding ring for a teenth,  and you’d better make sure they hand over the weed before you do the money. Those guys really piss me off. They give the rest of us a bad name, and i think it should be us (tokers) against them (government), but appaz, we also need to be suspicious of each other.

Burn One Down

Here are some tell-tell signs that your weed might be sprayed. It may display some or all of this characteristics, as i stated previously, they are getting better at spraying and so it is getting harder to tell. The presence of some of these signs does not automatically mean it is sprayed:

  • It is normally really dry, dense, compacted, often it is ‘bitty’.
  • It normally has a strange artificial greeny/grey colour
  • It looks like it should be really pokey, but it doesn’t smell like strong weed, or it has this strange musty smell.
  • Sometimes, when you burn it, it doesn’t burn properly. The ash goes hard and doesn’t tap off, so you end up with a spliff that’s 2 inches ash o_O
  • Sometimes, you can see the ‘grit’, or feel it in the grinder, kinda like sand.
  • It doesn’t get you very high. It tends to give me a headache.

Just don’t buy it. They won’t stop spraying it until they can’t sell it.

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If My Nan Could See This Post, She’d Be So Happy!

31 May

One See’s One

You have an opinion. You express it. Your mate has a differing opinion, they express it. Something they say, or maybe something completely unrelated that you discover later, gets you thinking: maybe there’s more to this issue? You look into it, maybe on-line, read a book or 2, speak to a couple of other friends. Your opinion changes. When you tell your friend, they are at best smug, at worst they say something along the lines of  “…but you said you thought jaffa cakes were a biscuit, not a cake!”

Isn’t the point of having these conversations with people to evolve, to widen your perception?  So why is it such a crime when you admit you were wrong, or misinformed, and change your opinion? You’re a dude, damnit! You have an open mind, and the more you learn, the more you change. You incorporate new information into your world view.

I am quite anti-establishment. I think generally, money and power lead to corruption, and i don’t trust 80% of politicians. I don’t respect people just because they are a policeman or a soldier. You’ve gotta earn it.

But i do love the queen.

My friend does not understand this. She says it opposes everything else i believe in.

It wasn’t always this way, when i was an opinionated, passionate teenager, i was an anti-royalist. But then i did some research.

The royal family generates a ton of cash monies for Britain every year. Tourists love that shit. Buckingham Palace, The Crown Jewels and The Tower of London are just a few of numerous real royal earners. The argument that the Royal Family cost too much really is redundant. It’s hard for us in the UK to understand why people from all over the world, particularly The USA and Australia are so in love with our Royal Family. When did you last see thousands of people lining the street to catch a glimpse of the German Chancellor, Angela Merkel (who is she?)? The royal family bring the crowds in, and the crowds spend their money on our hotels, our historical landmarks, shops, taxis, restaurants etc. The royal family costs each person in the UK 69 pence per year, if you consider it a tax on tourism revenue, it’s a bloody bargain, mate.

What would be one of the most compelling argument against the monarchy is the fact that they are not elected, and this is supposed to be a democratic society. Except, the monarchy has no real power anymore. Yes, technically every act passed by parliament must be signed by The Queen, and technically she does have the power to veto them. BUT (see those capital letters? that means  i really mean it!) it would NEVER happen, because the power is only a courtesy, the Queen would never use it. For the sake of argument, lets imagine she does go mental one day (dons a Nike tracksuit, eats only jelly-babies and begins every public address with “yo, my biatches!”), and decides she does want to veto an act. I imagine parliament would dissolve the monarchy, or revoke the power of veto. Either way, it all adds up to the same fact: the monarchy have no real political power. It’s all pomp and ceremony, and us Brits love a bit of that.

The Queen is amazing for diplomatic relations. When Queenie visits abroad, everyone takes notice, there is a real sense of occasion and it does a lot of good keeping things ticking over nicely in terms of the delicate semi-peace balance we’ve got in this world. It saves the politicians time, which (theoretically) is better spent doing stuff like…erm, running the country?

The Queen is 86 years old. But she is no ordinary pensioner. Her official titles include Head of State, Head of the Commonwealth, Supreme Governor of the Church of England, Head of the British Armed Forces, and she is the patron of over 600 charities. Last year, the Queens average working week was about 54 hours. At 86 years old, ffs! What The Queen actually does is so vast and varied, i won’t bore you with it here, but if you’re interested, go here . Safe to say, girlfriend be earnin’ her 69p a year fee!

The Queen offers something presidents can’t, because of the nature of the role, and that is contingency. Our current Queen has reigned for nearly 60 years. She’s seen the comings and goings of 12 US presidents, and 12 British Prime Ministers (one that got re-elected again!). She’s seen good times, recessions, the birth of the internet, the rise and fall of various property markets, financial scandals and natural disasters. She offers us security and consistency that elected folk don’t. She also doesn’t need to lie to get our votes. She just kinda is.

I have a few personal reasons for liking the royal family. Prince Phillip is one. He literally has me in stitches sometimes. I imagine him with a dry humour, i think he know’s what he’s saying (see here, if you’ve been living under a rock). He’s a funny, cantankerous old man! I like Charles sort of too, i imagine he’d be a proper hippy had he been born somewhere else. He grows lemon grass around the palace cos he likes the smell of it under his feet! 😉 He does tons for charity and i think he’s a bit of a closet new-age scientist! He’s well into sustainability and eco-stuffs. Harry’s turning into quite a character, and William and Kate, well….i’m sure they’re really aspirational to a certain type of young person. Plus, it was a pretty decent bash back in April, no? Good for the morale of the country, despite the cynics. The Brits: any excuse for Pimms and cake.

It irritates me when people go on about how good the Queen has it, when she never asked for it. She was born into it and she has trained for it her entire life. What about all the responsibility that goes with it? Tis as likely to be a hellish prison as it is to be an opulent dream.

I don’t mind people who are aware of these things, but still don’t appreciate the monarchy, or people who buy into all the shape-changing-lizzard-new-world-order conspiracy stuffs (which i might, by the way, i just reckon if it is real, it won’t be the ones you can see on your TV). That’s fair enough, it’s just a matter of opinion, after all. It’s the people who ignore these facts and hate the monarchy out of principle, that i don’t understand.

If you’re interested in the person-queen, go here. Enjoy!

Congratulations for your Diamond Jubilee, Ma’m. I salute you.

Camera Angles Of The Mind

31 May

It’s as if my mind is an abstract film with only one camera angle at any one time. If the camera stays in the same place for a length of time, i start to feel a bit more self-assured, stable, aware of a me?

But at any given moment, the camera can zoom out and spin round, fly up or drop down, and adopt a completely different position. From that position the world, me, and my place in it will all seem (be?) completely different.

For a little while, this makes me feel afraid and anxious, because nothing makes sense, reality is fluid…which view is real, which me is me? Are they all real, all truths? Some, but not others? All illusions?How to tell the difference? I can’t trust my own perception.

Does my subconscious try to shield me from some things that i do not want to acknowledge, but sometimes get glimpses of? Is this why it feels frightening? The destructive behaviours that i use to function, are they protected by my subconscious: I do not allow myself to recognise the counter-productive nature of them (most of the time), and is this why i am unable to stop it, even though it exhausts me, and i am consciously convinced i want to stop? Short term vs long-term: feeling better now vs being better overall. Progress vs developmental delay.

If the camera does not settle, and instead fits and panics, trying out different views but finding no foot hold in any of them, then i will suffer a dark and confusing period, for X amount of time.

If the camera settles again, eventually I’ll start to feel something that resembles security, stability. I thinks that view is what i am, who i am, where i am.

Until, without warning or reason, it will move again.

Inspiring Blogger Award And 7 Things About Me

29 May

I’ve been nominated for an inspiring Blogger Award (yep, i thought it was some kind of mistake too. Not so.)

I feel silly as i write this cos  i read a lot of posts everyday that are a million times better than mine. I’m also very flattered – it’s really frightning nice to hear that some people (hey!) enjoy reading stuff i write!

One of the rules is: i have to say thanks to the person who nominated me, which feels awkward; because of the obligation it will seem that i am insincere. But i really do appreciate it, thank you very much,  Paula Acton.

Seems like the perfect opportunity to thank all of you also, who read this shit, and comment on it, and remind me that there’s a big wide world outside my window. The fact that the (in some cases, very vast) distances between us all have not stopped our paths crossing, really does enchant me. I wonder if the novelty of this internet stuff will ever wear off. So far, so good. THANK YOU for stopping by 🙂

Rules of the award:
1.) Thank the person who gave you the award with a link to their blog.
2.) Tell them 7 things about yourself.
3.) Nominate 7 other blogs for the award.

So, first thing’s first. 7 People i nominate for the award:

1) Rescuing Little L – This blog is hard to read. Not because of how it is written (beautifully), but because it is a very personal account of healing after horrific abuse. But this is the Inspiring Bloggers award, and this lady’s strength and courage in dealing with these things, her ability to touch others and her desire to help those in similar situations, is very inspiring.

2) Tracie Louise Photography -This talented lady takes awesome pictures. It makes me wanna get my camera out. That’s inspiration!

3) Rants, Ravings and Revelations – This blog provides and interesting and informative social commentary. I agree with 80% of the stuff he says, it makes complicated issues easy to follow and understand, and it makes me laugh!

4) Peorth’s Portal – This blog is inspiring because the writer is very passionate in her religious faith, without being judgemental, antagonistic or aggressive. It’s a great example of how you can believe something very strongly, yet still have respect and tolerance of other lifestyles and belief systems. If only more people in the world were like that…

5) Mew Tube – I like his poems! They’re honest, insightful, and often make me laugh! I like his stories ( i think cos him and me have had some similar experiences!), i love his general sense of freedom and positivity.

6) The Midlest Sister – I’ve nominated this blog for 2 reasons. Firstly, i absolutely love her artistic expression; simple, very effective and kinda nostalgic (is it cos it makes you think of felt drawings you did as a child?). This blog inspired me to start experimenting more with visual posts and visual expression, which i am really enjoying, so she deserves this nomination. Secondly, i like the way she shares very relatable but personal stories about childhood and family life.

7)The Daily Neurotic  – I’m completely in love with this writing style, and only slightly jealous i didn’t think of it first! Her posts are short but somehow she manages to convey a real sense of whats going on in her head and life. I’m also here rooting for her, i was in her situation for a very long time and i think if i’d found this blog then, it would’ve helped. I really want her to tell Him to eff off!

7 Things about myself.

1) I’ve sat here for 40 mins trying to think of 7 things i can write about myself here. Myself sometimes feels like a strange concept to me. This is one of those times!

2) I’ve discovered recently that i don’t believe in God, of any sort.

3) At various points in my life i have believed in some kind of God or mysticism or spirituality. I have been a member of various religious communities (some orthodox, some, not so much). I always felt like i needed to believe in something, the other option scared me.

4) Now, i am getting more and more comfortable with the idea that we are just randomly falling through space and time and other unnamed dimensions…so much so that i would say i am even beginning to delight in the freedom of it. Nothing to contemplate.  “It’s Just A Ride – Bill Hicks”.

5) I really love scented flowers. I always stop to smell em when i’m walking around; a trait that i am happy to say i have passed on to my son.

6) I am very suspicious of most authoritative figures and organisations,

Mr BoJangles Says Relax

especially of their motives and agendas.

7)I have a cat (Mr BoJangles) that often sleeps on my head! ❤

Phew! That’s everything, right? Your turn!

Blogs I Like, Maybe You Will Too?

29 May

First off, a shameless plug. My sister is only 14, started playing the guitar less than a year ago and is really getting quite good. Only thing lacking is her confidence. I’ll be uber grateful if you could stop by here and give her videos a lil like! Think of it as an investment in the youth of today? or something like that. THANKYOU 🙂

OK so here are some blogs i’ve discovered and really enjoy reading. Some are funny, some are personal, some are photography, some poetry, some opinion based …so lucky dip really! Some i like because of the content, and some beacuse of the writing style, and some just cos i can relate them to things in my own life, some because they are so completely removed from my own beliefs or experience that i find them facinating. Enjoy!

Project Carp Diem

Social Assasin

Insanity

Mew Tube

Tracey Louise Photography

Rants, Ravings And Revelations

My Body And The City: Secret Life Of A Call Girl

Pride In Madness

Rough Seas In The Med

Joes Shitty Ideas

Rescuing Little L

Shouts From The Abyss

The Daily Neurotic

Halfway Between The Gutter And The Stars

The Scarlet Numbers

I also STILL really love these:

Peas And Cougars

The Middlest Sister

In another month or so, i might update it again, depending on what i find! 😉

We Are Hurting Our Womenfolk, And Ourselves

28 May

Another week, another status on facebook. A joke at the expense of some severely overweight person who ‘should just stop eating all the pies’, or something similar. There is such hatred, judgement and contempt aimed at people with weight issues.

A clarification, for the purposes of this post. When i refer to overweight people here, i am talking about severely overweight people, people who are suffering serious health problems because of their weight. I am not talking about slightly overweight people or people who could use loosing a few pounds.

These days, when people starve themselves to death, we understand it is an emotional condition, a mental illness, a sickness. We call it Anorexia Nervosa or Bulimia Nervosa. We don’t fully understand it yet, because the research is still in its infancy, but we do recognise it is a mental health problem and we try to help these people.

When people eat themselves to death, we point and laugh at them. We stare at them in the street and judge them. We make facebook status’ to share the laugh with our friends. As a society, we have very little compassion for these people.

It is a completely outdated and unhelpful attitude. Eating yourself to death is disordered eating behaviour, just as starving yourself to death is. I’ve never heard someone say about an anorexic ‘she should just eat something!’. If anyone did, they would be viewed as ignorant, at best. Anyone who has suffered any kind of mental health problem will tell you, it is precisely this attitude and stigma that can sometimes prevent real advances in the treatment and prevention of it.

There is hope. 30 years ago, we didn’t fully recognise Anorexia or Bulima as mental health issues. Hopefully, 30 years from now, we’ll better understand people suffering from the other extreme, so that we can help them too.

I feel i am able to talk with some degree of understanding on these issues because i myself have always suffered with disorder eating behaviours. I have been dangerously thin (around eight stone, which is bad considering I’m quite tall for a woman at 5’7) and dangerously fat (at my heaviest I’m not sure exactly what i weighed, cos i wouldn’t weigh myself, but i was definitely in excess of 17 stone).

Now, i’m a bit heavier than what i’d like to be and should be, but i’m not overly concerned about it. I watch what i eat cos i don’t wanna put more weight on, and i have some vague ideas about going on a proper diet, but i  am trying to find a healthy balance; I must accept my curves and the things that make me a woman, i must not become a complacent unshapely blob, i must not become an obsessive skeleton woman.  Last time i weighed myself, i was about 11 stone. Not huge, but could do with a few cycle rides 😉

It’s difficult, considering the constant bombardment from the media, from everywhere, telling me that what i am is wrong, telling me i should be leaner, more toned, less curvy, my legs should be longer, more tanned, my bum firmer, my tits more pert, my skin more radiant, my feet smaller, my eyelashes longer, my eyebrows thinner, my cheekbones more defined, my hands more effeminate, my posture more confident, my movements more graceful…on and on forever.

It seems every advert, film, book, newspaper, shop, train, website, TV channel is overflowing with images of airbrushed fantasy beauty. It is all the time, everywhere and has been for so long that we now believe this is how women should look. Even us women believe it.

Look around you in the REAL world, at the shops, in the office, at school, on the bus, and count how many people look like the woman the media thrusts upon us, in reality? If you find one, please send me a picture.

It is indoctrinated from such a young age. For example, if Barbie was a real woman, she’d be so out of proportion with herself , that she’d be unable to support her own body weight. In short, she’d be crippled because her waist is too small, her tits too big, her legs too long and thin and she wouldn’t have enough space for her  skeleton and organs to develop and function correctly. She is the ultimate example of how a woman should not look, yet we give her to our daughters to idolize at a very vulnerable developmental stage.

The message is: if you do not fulfil or match up (to a completely unrealistic and unobtainable ideal, if i haven’t been clear!) then you are less than inadequate, you are worthless, invalid, you are not a female. You are a ridiculous parody of what you are trying to be. You are unsexy and unworthy of attention from anyone.

Work hard, kill yourself working in a soulless job you despise, so that you can afford to buy the right makeup, the right clothes, the right hairstyle, fake tan, shoes, lacy underwear, botox, false eyelashes, boob implants, liposuction, teeth veneers, moisturizer, anti-aging cream, colonic fucking irrigation. Then you’ll be beautiful, valid, worthwhile.

No, wait. You won’t because it’s NOT REAL. You’ll feel like a tranny, a man masquerading as a woman.  Better get back to work, earn some more monies, buy some more shit…

We are damaging our daughters with this crap from before they are old enough to walk. There is no escaping it; it is insiduous to society.

Everywhere you look you can see these broken women, scrambbling for love, attention, for something to cling onto, because they believed the lies, they believed that they were worthless, they believed that if they brought the right bullshit, then they would be worthwhile. They believed that the solution to their feelings of worthlessness were avaliable somewhere outside of themselves, for a price. But with every new anti-aging cream, every new life threatening operation to make their tits bigger or their skin smoother, they lost some of themselves, some of their strength, a little bit more of their shattered self-esteem. Cos it didn’t work…they still aren’t good enough. Women like Jordan or that cat woman lady from America. Train-wreck women.

Don’t listen to it. Don’t pass it on to your babies.

They don’t want you to wake up, to realise the truth, to stop buying their bollocks. Don’t let them win. Don’t let them get you believing you’re anything less than a beautiful enchantress, who contains within her all the questions and all the answers to life and love and the universe. Because you do, and you are.

Why Do We Cry?

28 May

I cannot cry anymore, at least not at the moment. This is alien to me. It’s not a bad thing per se, except i feel like i need to cry and i can’t.

Usually i cry so much, so often and so easily (from nowhere, sometimes) that it is embarrassing. I’m the one silently weeping on the bus. Usually.

I stopped taking all medication a couple of months ago…so it’s not that. I self-medicate with weed, but that’s been consistent for the last 10 years or more, so it’s not that.

I need to cry but it’s staying hidden under the surface, bubbling away, gaining momentum, liable to come crashing down on my like a ton of sand to suffocate me, at any given moment.

Why can’t i cry? I think it’s cos I’ve had enough, the sadness is exhausting and overwhelming, it wrings me out. Ultimately, it is useless.

I remember once in a biology class at school, asking the teacher why we cry. Not the physical aspect, but what purpose it serves; the tears, the snot, the guttural sounds. He could not answer me, and i have wondered about it many times since.

We are social creatures, we live, strive, thrive on our interactions with other humans. From an evolutionary perspective, it’s one of a few reasons why our species has been so successful.

I think crying is a communicative display; it’s a visual sign that conveys an internal state to others. It says ‘i feel awful, please help me, comfort me’, in much the same way as a smile says ‘hey, i’m approachable, come say hi!’. For babies, it’s probably the most effective form of communication, and a very useful survival mechanism.

Maybe i can’t cry anymore because i know it is useless. My sadness is a very private thing that few people are aware of, and even those closest to me that are aware, are not aware of the crippling extent of the desolation i often feel exploding in my solar plexus and infecting my soul. I wouldn’t want to worry them with it.

If i have cried, wept, screamed, i have done so in private. It sucked away all my energy left me drained and sore and broken…and it didn’t fulfil a purpose, it didn’t communicate my pain to anyone that could hold me and make me feel safe.

So my body has gone on strike. It is refusing to take part in such an exhausting pharce. It won’t cry.

I thought i would feel better if i didn’t cry, back when i couldn’t stop it, but i don’t. I feel anxious, like I’m walking a knife-edge. I feel sort of detached from everything, not just from everything else, like usual, but from everything, my own self included. I feel like I’m watching myself, like the person who feels things is not me but just someone i observe closely, because i do not relate to her and her emotions. I do not relate to anything.

Yes, i should stop smoking. I’m sure the waves would come crashing in then. I’m in this little cotton-wall bubble, shielded from feeling anything, good and bad.

But i am (reasonably) safe, and that is something.

What The Juice?!?

25 May

As you may or may not know, I’m a bit of a n00b where this blogging lark is concerned.

So I’m a bit bamboozzled by the spam comment folder i just discovered, courtesy of this blog (thanks!)

Firstly, I’m a bit peeved and very sorry that i missed some genuine comments.

Secondly…what the juice?!? What do they want/expect to gain? Do they just want me to check out their sites? Their English isn’t too great either…who are they?

Here’s a (small!) sample:

  • Simply desire to say your article is as astonishing. The clearness in your publish is just cool and that i could suppose you are knowledgeable in this subject. Well with your permission allow me to snatch your feed to keep updated with impending post. Thank you 1,000,000 and please continue the gratifying work.
  • My brother suggested I might like this website. He was totally right. This post truly made my day. You can not imagine simply how much time I had spent for this information! Thanks!
  • I needed to create you that little observation to say thank you as before over the unique tricks you have provided here. This has been tremendously open-handed with you to convey publicly what most of us could possibly have offered for an e-book to help make some money for themselves, even more so considering the fact that you might have tried it in case you wanted. Those concepts in addition served to be the great way to be aware that most people have a similar dreams the same as my personal own to know somewhat more with reference to this problem. I’m sure there are many more pleasant moments ahead for people who browse through your blog post.

What?!

My Island In The Sun

24 May
Link

Have You Seen This?

24 May

Have You Seen This?

It’s really rather good…

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